Forgiveness
by nnui
Summary: John arrives from the yellow yard and Karkat finds himself fascinated by him. The young troll finds himself distressed, as he struggles to accept the mistakes he's made and that he may not be as hated as he thinks. Trigger Warning: SI
1. Chapter 1

He couldn't believe that it was almost time for their arrival. Three years had passed. Three whole years since the earthlings had scratched their session of the game. Three years since John had begun making his way through the yellow yard. They had been in contact of course, but it was nothing compared to actually meeting them. He remembered what it was like when Rose and Dave first arrived. Everyone was so excited. Everyone talked to them almost non-stop. Well… Everyone who was still alive at least.

Now they were waiting. All of the trolls and the humans stood in the main lobby waiting for the arrival of their friends. Excitement filled the air. It wasn't to be much longer. They expected maybe twenty minutes.

As time passed Karkat could feel his heart beat in his chest. He could feel as it pushed his candy red blood through his veins. It pumped from excitement, and also from nervousness. He had waited for so long to finally meet John. Jade too of course, but he had spent more time thinking of that dorky God Tier in the past few weeks than anyone else. It did bother him a bit. _What's so special about him?_ He would always think.

It's true. Karkat would always think, and always over think.

With him being a troll, he was forced to suffer through the torment of his own mind. Through the nightmares that kept him awake at night, to the images of death that haunted him during the daytime. Even though he felt happy that John was coming, even if he would never show that, he was also terrified. He had caused so many disasters for him. It was he alone, who had ruined the kids session. It was he, who had cost that dorky, innocent boy his father. It was he, who fucked up everything, again.

_Shit. What if he hates me? Not even like a black romance hate, what if he actually wants me to die? What if he can't forgive me, or forget everything that went so wrong because of me?_

His feet began taking him away from all the others standing around. He walked mindlessly, but he knew where he was going. He traveled down into the building, to the room that was known as his. I was barely fit to be called a room, but everyone had to make due with whatever was available. They were all very far away from home after all.

In the room was a makeshift bed, which was nothing more than what the Dave and Rose humans called box springs, and a sheet they found somewhere. The humans found this suitable, as the almost useless contraption was apparently functional on their world. It was more comfortable to sleep on that the floor, but it provided no comfort for his thoughts. His feet carried him to it. He proceeded to sit on it, with his back leaning against the wall.

_John will be here soon. What am I going to do when I have to face him? How will he be able to look at me? His dad, his fucking dad, is fucking dead because of Jack, because of me. Everything that went wrong during their session was my fault. It was all that gog damn frog. It was all my fault. It was always all my fault. I need to know he doesn't hate me. Oh for fuck's sake. Of course he hates me. Everyone does, or at least they should. Even I hate me._

The troll pulled up one of his black sleeves, and brought his wrist in front of his eyes. The room was barely lit. There was just enough light to see where his veins were, and the small white scars that littered his arm. He laid his arm down on his lap, and placed his thumb over the vein. Sharp orange nails sat on the tip of each finger. The sharp tip pressed into his skin, and the troll's bright red blood came to the surface. This was what kept him alive. This disgusting, mutant blood ran through his veins. The boy raised his wrist to his face once again and observed as blood began to slide down his arm.

_This makes no sense. I bleed the same as everyone else. The only difference between me and the others, is this putrid color. It's so red. Disgustingly red. I pity if any other creature has this unfortunate blood color._

His arm was now being held in front of him. Gray irises followed as a candy red stream trickled, and as a few drops fell from his flesh to the sheets on his bed. He placed his lips to the wound, and licked it to try and stop the bleeding. After it was sufficiently closed he wiped his arm on the bed sheet. It could be washed out later. No one would see, no one ever came to visit his room.

_It's all my fault. I am so sick, of everything I do wrong. It's just pointless for me to be here. It should have been me to die, instead of Feferi, or Tavros, or even John's dad. I just fuck everything up. I'd be better off dead._

The boy pulled his knees to his chest, and rested his head upon them. He continued to think about his failures, and he began to tear up, an action that was to his dismay. He drew a shaky breath into his lungs to stop this from going any further.

"Karkat..?" a small voice said from the door.

"OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE CAN'TYOU SEE I'M BUSY?" No one ever came to visit him while he was in his room. Everyone knew he preferred privacy. He lifted his head to see who could have intruded. It was not anyone he might have expected to break his boundaries. It was not Terezi, or Gamzee, or Sollux.

As the figure standing there came into focus, this young troll felt a sinking in his chest. There stood John Egbert, in his doorway.

"SHIT."


	2. Chapter 2

There stood Egbert in his doorway. He couldn't believe his eyes. He was here. After all of this time, he was here. Karkat's heart rose and fell. It rose because he was here! Finally here. It sank, because of their first meeting, and how this scene must look to the boy.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"Well… I wanted to say hi haha."

_Shit shit shit. I can't be that rude to him, or any chances of him not hating me are gone. _The troll brought his sleeve up to his face and began wiping his eyes.

"Karkat, have you been crying?"

"WHAT OF COURSE NOT FUCKASS. WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE TO YOU SOME GRUB?" John's expression didn't change. He took a step in the door, paused for a moment, and then made his way across the room and sat beside of the young alien.

"You sure you're okay?"

"YES OF COURSE. IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU I GUESS."

When these words escaped gray lips, a tension seemed to leave the human boy. He smiled with his slightly pink lips. Then a breath was drawn into them, and immediately he began with stories of his time on the yellow yard.

"Well anyways it wasn't all that bad actually! Especially cause I wasn't alone ya' know? Jade was with me, and that made things much easier. She did have some weird habits though. Like gog forbid there was a storm or she would just bark at the sky. Oh wait you don't know! Yeah she's kinda part dog now haha."

As he spoke Karkat took this time to study his face. He looked different than before. What the human's called puberty had taken place. He still looked somewhat like a child, though his face had gotten a bit longer. It might have just gotten thinner, but Karkat couldn't quite tell. He was such a thin boy to begin with. He looked as if the wind could carry him away at any moment.

_Maybe that's why he was granted power over the wind._ The troll thought, and laughed to himself. _So he wouldn't be carried away by it._

His eyes were so blue. It was a shade he hadn't seen on his world before. No troll had this color blood. It was beautiful. John was so much farther up on the hemo-spectrum than he was. It was a pure beautiful blue. Not quite royalty of course, but very dignified. Over his eyes were glasses. The lenses reflected light in the corners. Small scratches were scattered across the frames. No serious damage seemed to be present. He must have taken good care of them on the journey for them to remain so undamaged on the long journey. His hair was black. It looked so soft compared to a troll's hair. Theirs was normally thicker, like an animal's fur. John's was shiny, and fell over his eyebrows. It was almost in his eyes. It probably hadn't been cut in a long time. Then there were the boy's teeth. White, but not blindingly so. His top teeth stuck out over his bottom teeth a bit too much. It seemed so dorky. It was almost kind of cute.

"Karkat is that blood on the bed?"

_Oh for fuck's sake._

"UH YEAH… IT'S UH… I GOT CUT ON-"

Blue eyes moved to Karkat's arm. His sleeve was still rolled up, and the wound he had just made was still clearly visible. There was a path of slight red coloration, as blood tends to leave traces if it is not washed off. There were also the small white scars on his arm. Some were just discoloration on his flesh, and some were raised pieces of skin. The troll reached to his sleeve and quickly pulled it down over his hand.

"Karkat are you okay?" John asked. Concern was present in his voice. It sickened him.

_Is this pity? I don't need any fucking pity, especially from someone like him._

"I just mean… You looked, tired and all…"

"I'M FINE IDIOT."

"Something must be wrong. Come on just tell me!"

"NOTHING'S FUCKING WRONG. I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING. I ONLY RUINED YOUR SESSION AND GAVE YOUR UNIVERSE FUCKING CANCER.. I COST US THREE YEARS OF TIME AND CREATED THE NEED FOR ANOTHER ENTIRE UNIVERSE. JACK NOIR ONLY KILLED LIKE EVERYONE YOU LOVE AND IT'S NOT MY FAULT OR ANYTHING I DIDN'T CREATE HIM. JUST GO AWAY AND HATE MESOMEWHERE ELSE."

"I don't hate you Karkat." John's voice was quiet, but sincere as he said this.

"WHATEVER…"

At that moment John leaned over and placed his arms around Karkat. He was hugging him. Well, as best as he could with only one party's participation.

It lasted for a second, maybe two, but it felt like an eternity to the troll. Karkat worried that John would have been able to feel his heartbeat. It terrified him to appear weak to someone.

After that moment, John stood up and made his way to the door. When he reached the frame, he stood in it as he did when he arrived. Turning to face thetroll, he spoke again.

"Are you going to come and talk to everyone? You still need to meet Jade you know." After these words he did leave.

The gray being rested his head on his knees once more. A sigh escaped his lips, as he knew this was quite possibly the worst first impression he would ever make. John had walked in on him in a depressed state, looking weak and useless, more so than normal at least. The boy had said that he didn't hate him, which was good of course. Although, if being raised in a hateful murderous environment teaches you anything at all, it's to not always trust what other people say.


	3. Chapter 3

He really did need to go to the others. All of them were in the main room, talking and greeting the new arrivals. Though there were distractions, someone might be concerned about him being gone this long. This place was full of terrors after Eridan and Gamzee had their mental breakdowns. If anyone acted suspicious for even a bit, everyone became cautious. You never knew what might go wrong in this gog forsaken place.

The bed was hard, and made a small creak as he lifted himself off of it. The room provided no comfort, but he preferred being alone most of the time. He was always worried that the others could sense that he was different. Some of them knew already, he thought.

_I think Terezi does, she always comments about my blood after that 'one time'._

His feet carried him through the door frame and into the dark hallway. The walls had nothing on them. No photo frames, or any sign of life anywhere. They were a dark gray material, a metal. Every few feet a line of bolts would be spaced down the wall, to keep that metallic sheet in place.

This place was full of nothingness. It was dark, and depressing, and provided no morale for his team. It was as if the walls sucked the life out of his friends.

After many hallways lined with bolts and doors, the entrance to the main room came into view. Light came from its doorway, and voices came from within. His feet carried him to the doorway, where a moment was taken to examine what was going on inside. His feet then carried him to stand beside of his friend Sollux. The yellow blood said nothing to his arrival.

Jade was being pestered with questions. People wanted to know how it felt to be a witch, and how she understood her powers so suddenly. Many more wanted to know about her dog ears though. Questions were asked about her sense of smell, and Terezi teased her by throwing a small object and yelling fetch. The witch simply laughed at how silly she found the action. Everyone was wondering what the yellow yard was like. As the conversation progressed, someone asked what the new plan was.

Karkat just watched.

"Where were you man?" Sollux finally said.

"SITTING IN MY ROOM DUMB ASS."

"I saw John wander off. Did he come and visit you?" The yellow blood didn't turn to face Karkat. He just spoke, as if he was talking to himself.

"YEAH WHAT OF IT? HE CAME IN AND WAS ALL HI GUESS WE'VE ACTUALLY MET NOW AND SHIT."

"Yeah… So much time has passed. I can see the difference in everyone's appearance. It never really occurred to me. We probably didn't notice because we see each other every day, but now that I see how much Jade and John have changed."

"Yeah.. I KINDA NOTICED IT TOO…"

Karkat looked over to Sollux. He did look a bit different from a few years ago. He had gotten so much taller. He was towering over most everyone around. His hair had gotten longer as well. He no longer wore his 3D glasses, as his eyes were no longer red and blue. The irises were beginning to turn yellow."

_Oh fuck. If his are yellow are mine red by now? I completely forgot about that stupid part. Once my eyes change, everyone will be able to see, everyone will know. The high bloods will exile me completely, some of the low bloods probably will too. It's one thing to be extra low on the spectrum; it's another thing to not even be on it._

"You know Karkat, you've changed some yourself." Sollux turned to face Karkat now.

_Fucking shit have they started turning already? I'm fucked._

"I can see it, even though you're one of the youngest out of all of us, I mean your eyes haven't even changed color yet. Some people have theirs fully pigmented, like Gamzee."

_This fuck ass is trying to give me a heart attack._

"You've gotten a bit taller, though you're still nothing compared to me. You're like a girl's height compared to me. Your hair has gotten longer too. It looks nicer. You just look better in general really."

"WELL THANKS, GLAD TO KNOW I LOOKED LIKE SHIT BEFORE."

"Can't you take a compliment? I'm trying to tell you you've gotten kind of nice looking over the past three years." His eyes were focused on Karkat's face.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOU TODAY?" With this Sollux turned his attention back to the crowd.

"Nothing man. Just trying to be nice I guess." He said softly.

The red blood decided to ignore these statements. He had never felt attractive before, or even received a compliment. He couldn't be. His skin was a lighter gray than the others, due to all his time spent inside when the others were role playing or some shit. His hair was thick and rough, like an animal's fur. It wasn't smooth or soft looking like John's. His eyes were soon going to turn red, instead of a sparkling blue like John's.

Oh fuck was he comparing himself to John now?

_What the fuck am I doing? Why would I want to be like him?_

Karkat now stared at the boy. He watched as he talked through his slightly pink lips, and over dorky teeth. He watched as the boy used his wind powers to lengthen his steps, so he not only seemed to, but did float as he walked.

He watched as he hugged the Rose girl and the Dave boy. He saw him laugh, and then he saw something he did not understand. As the blue eyed boy laughed with his friends, he began to cry. What did this mean? He couldn't have been sad at reuniting with his friends. He had to be happy. Could he be crying from happiness? Karkat watched as John cried from seeing his friends alive and happy.

The truth was, he did want to be like John. John was alive, and happy. He had decent blood and friends who cared about him. He was a good leader. He seemed so free, like the wind could carry him away.


	4. Chapter 4

The human boy was so interesting. It seemed as if his emotions had no bounds. Clearly he experienced a wider range of them than a troll had ever felt. He was able to cry with happiness. This was unheard of on Alternia. It seemed almost unexplainable.

Suddenly there was the noise of a chainsaw being started in the middle of the crowd.

_She better not be chopping anyone's legs off again!_ Karkat screamed in his head. He spun around to see what was happening.

Kanaya was standing in the middle of the crowd. Many people around her look frightened, and some were just amused. Terezi was laughing at how some jumped out of the way when they heard the noise. Others were shaking, as they were the ones who jumped. The glowing troll cleared her throat, and began to speak.

"Okay Everyone! It Is Time For Some Announcements. Tomorrow We Will Be Having A Meeting On What The New Plan Is Going To Be. We Will Discuss Ideas, And Decide What Is Best For Everyone. It Will Take Place Here At Precisely One O' Clock. Exceptions Are Void."

The way she spoke was so very dignified. Every word was accentuated as though it held the upmost importance.

"Now On To The Matter Of Sleeping Arrangements For The Newly Arrived Humans. Jade, John, May I Have Your Attention Please? What Had Previously Been Arranged Is That Every Human Is To Room With Their Patron Troll."

Karkat's heart nearly fell out of his ass.

"Bu-" Karkat began to protest.

"I Trust There Are No Problems With These Arrangements!" She interrupted with a smile. "If There Are Please Submit Them In Writing, At The Meeting, Tomorrow."

John just looked over at Karkat and smiled his dorky smile.

He was rooming with Karkat.


	5. Chapter 5

It was getting late. The crowd was starting to disperse as each being went to their room. There was no way Karkat would be able to get out of this. He could have tried to sneak out of the room at night but Kanaya had begun taking the night watch since she had this whole vampire thing going on. Rose stayed up and kept her company, as they were roommates. Something about grim dark and her preferring the night or some bullshit like that.

The red blooded troll walked up to one of his other friends, Gamzee. The clown spoke.

"Hey bro hahaha. So I heard that you're rooming with that blue hooded guy. Sweet man. Anyways, Kanaya asked me to like, carry another bed or whatever into your room so yeah man. I'm gonna do that now haha."

"YEAH THAT'S FINE. I'LL WALK WITH YOU I GUESS." Karkat looked over to John. "HEY JOHN, THE CLOWN HERE IS GONNA CARRY A BED TO THE ROOM AND I'M GOING WITH HIM. I'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE OKAY."

John simply nodded then went back to talking to his friends. He didn't seem flustered at all about sharing a room. He seemed more excited than anything.

Karkat traveled behind Gamzee as they went to the storage room to pick up another bed. Literally pick it up. Gamzee was the oldest, and had grown the most, so he was the strongest. The bed was lifted with minimal effort. He had changed so much since they had gotten here. After his whole madness spell he seemed a bit different. He was back to being happy most of the time, but there was a more serious tone to him. He wasn't stoned all the time anymore, mostly due to the lack of supplies. His eyes had become a dark purple. His royal blood on display for everyone. He couldn't have gotten much skinnier than before, so he just got taller. Gamzee was a weed, very tall and unbelievably skinny.

When they got to the room he set the bed on the floor with a loud thunk.

Gamzee turned to face Karkat and smiled, but then his face became more serious.

"Hey brother, what's up with you today?"

"NOTHING YOU IGNORANT DOUCHE."

"Come on brother. You seem kinda, like, upset almost. Is something the matter?"

"NO. JUST LONG DAY I GUESS OKAY. HAPPY NOW?"

"Whatever best motherfucking friend. I'll catch you later then okay?"

The clown left the room and began walking towards his own. He slept more than anyone.

_It must be tiring being so stupid._

With that Karkat made his way back to main room to fetch John.

When he arrived the boy was still talking. He could talk forever. The red blood just stood in the corner of the doorway until John noticed him. When he did, he turned to his friends, wished them good night, and paced over to Karkat.

A yawn escaped his soft, pink lips.

"Ready for bed Karkat?" He spoke sweetly.

"JUST FOLLOW ME DUMBASS…"

The journey seemed incredibly long, and Karkat could feel the boy's eyes on the back of his head. He just wanted to be away from everyone, now he had a roommate. This was horrible.

_He probably snores too. Couldn't I room with someone else? Anyone else would do. I just want to be alone._

When they finally reached the room Karkat pointed to the other bed without even looking at the boy. He strode himself up to his own, and flopped down. John followed suit, although instead of flopping he neatly lifted the sheet and climbed in.

Karkat scrambled under the covers, making a mess of the whole thing. There was no light for them to turn off, so they were free to sleep now. He couldn't sleep however, as he still felt those piercing blue eyes on him.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?"

"I'm just glad we're rooming together." He laughed after this. "I've waited so long to meet you Karkat."

There was something about the way that blue boy spoke his name.

"JUST GO TO SLEEP WILL YOU..?"

"Karkat what's it been like here the past three years?"

_Oh for fuck's sake I will never get to sleep with jabber mouth over here._

"WELL NO ONE HAS DIED RECENTLY, BECAUSE NO ONE HAS GONE AROUND KILLING RECENTLY."

"Someone went around murdering! Who!" He sounded so startled. This was old news to everyone else.

"GAMZEE. WHEN WE FIRST GOT HERE."

"What happened?"

"HE USED TO EAT SOPOR SLIME, AND AFTER WE GOT HERE HE DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF IT ANYMORE. THE LACK OF IT DROVE HIM CRAZY, AND HE WENT AROUND KILLING."

"What's sopor slime?"

"IT'S WHAT'S NORMALLY IN OUR RECOOPERCOON."

"What does it do?"

_This kid doesn't know anything does he?_

Karkat didn't feel like talking much, and he was tired. He figured it was alright to lower his voice for now, besides he didn't want everyone hearing him.

"It stops the nightmares." He spoke carefully.

"Nightmares?"

"YES John. All trolls have haunted consciousness's. We experience terrible nightmares whenever we sleep."

"Oh… Does anything help?"

"Not sleeping." He said matter of factly. There was nothing that stopped the horrors.

"Oh…"

"Go to sleep John."

"Alright… I'll see you in the morning… Sweet dreams Karkat."

"As if." The troll said, almost to himself. He knew, because he had experienced it every night since he had been here. Nights were filled with horrors so strong, it was almost as if sleeping was a hell of its own.


	6. Chapter 6

_Author's Note: Sorry for taking so long with this one, I don't always have internet access. Also I tried writing a nightmare so yeah. I don't even know if it's creepy but if you don't like gore or something I guess be warned? I don't think it's scary but who knows who's reading this. /Author's Note_

* * *

><p>The room was dark. There seemed to be no walls, or a ceiling. The only thing that made it seem as if there was a floor, was that he was able to stand. There was nothing to see, and nowhere to go, but this empty place held something wicked. He could feel it.<p>

The room felt as a nothing. It had no temperature, no sound, no anything. It was as if this place didn't even exist.

It was empty, or at least it seemed so. There had to be something in some direction. No place could be endless after all.

His feet took off, walking into one direction of the nothingness. He walked and walked, for what seemed like hours, but he reached no walls. This was an endless place. It went against the laws of order.

You were alone, even though you had yourself. You had your thoughts, which would eventually drive you mad.

There were no boundaries in this place. No boundaries meant there was nothing to keep you as you are. There was nothing to make anything worthwhile, or anything to motivate you, or anything at all. You were left with your thoughts. What brought you to this place? Was it your failures? Or a certain mistake? What would have happened if you could change that one time? What if you could fix all your mistakes?

But you can't, and there was nothing in this place to remind you of that.

Now he ran. Fear consumed his body in the nothingness. He ran to escape, he ran to find someone or something. He didn't want to be alone in this place. He didn't want to be alone. Running, and running, but nothing changed. It was completely empty. It was a hell. It was an empty hell.

* * *

><p>There in a dark room, but one with walls, and a ceiling, and another living soul, a sleeping Karkat spoke. "I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be alone." He muttered into the night around him.<p>

There in the bed across the room, a boy dressed in blue awoke to this noise. Rubbing his eyes as he sat up, his attention was drawn to the alien boy.

The gray skinned child had a scared look on his face. Something was leaking from his eyes. It… It was blood red.

Was that supposed to happen the human wondered, or was it normal for their species? They acted as tears did. He didn't seem to be in pain, so it must be alright. He watched as the troll shifted in his bed, muttering about how he didn't want to be alone. John stood up from his bed.

* * *

><p>Karkat kept running and running until his legs gave out from under him. Even face down on the ground he could feel nothing in the room. After a moment, the boy sat up and pulled his knees to his chest. He pressed his face to them, and began to cry.<p>

"Karkat." A voice came from the darkness. His face jerked up. His face filled with joy. Someone else was here! He wasn't alone.

What he saw left him wishing he was.

There in front of him stood Nepeta, or at least, what remained of her. At the bottom of a green sleeve, her hand was horribly mangled. It was ripped almost in half between her ring and middle finger, one half twisted out, perpendicular to the rest of her hand. There were dents in her head. It looked as though it had been bashed in with a club. Hair had been ripped out. Some placed were completely bald. Hair was stuck with blood to the green jacket. Her face was bruised and bleeding. What used to be an upper lip, was now a chunk of meat hanging from her face. Teeth, well the ones that remained, were clearly visible.. An eye was ruptured, and blood ran down her face. Her tongue had teeth in it.

"No!" He shouted.

He turned to ran, but behind him on the ground was a Tavros. Bruised arms were dragging his legless body towards Karkat. There was a gaping hole in his chest, and a brown, blood trail behind him. Matter from his chest, and flesh from his legs was also left behind. He had begun to decompose.

* * *

><p>"No…" Karkat muttered in his sleep. Tears were pouring from his eyes now.<p>

John had had enough. His feet carried him over, next to the trolls bed. He stood, and examined the situation for a moment.

Karkat looked terrified.

"So this is how bad their nightmares are." The blue hooded boy whispered.

There seemed only one thing that might provide comfort.

He lifted the sheets, and climbed into bed with the alien boy. They were now face to face. John examined him well for the first time.

Gray skin was the one of the most foreign things about him. His hair looked thicker than a human's; it was more like a dog's. He had dark bags under his eyes, even as he slept. It looked as though he never did. If every night was like this, he probably woke often. Most of his features were like a human's; two eyes with eyelashes, a nose, two lips. There were differences though. Through parted lips he saw pointed teeth. Through thick hair he saw slightly pointed ears. There were probably other differences, but nothing he could see at the moment.

The blue boy prayed that Karkat didn't wake up and kill him for this.

He wrapped his arms around the troll and hoped for the best.

* * *

><p>Slamming his eyes shut to avoid the disturbing scene, he screamed "NO!"<p>

"NO! NO! WHY? I'M SO SORRY! I'M SO SORRY! I should have been a better leader… I'm so sorry. It was my fault! I should have kept Gamzee and Vriska under a closer watch! I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry…"

Despite his cries, the corpses chant his name.

"Karkat"

"Karkat."

"Why did you let us die?"

"It's your fault you filthy mutant. If you had decent blood maybe you wouldn't have made so many mistakes."

"Maybe you would have been a better leader."

"Maybe you wouldn't have failed."

"Either way,"

"It's all,"

"Your,"

"fault!"

He couldn't take any more of this.

"STOP!" He screamed. No sound came out of his throat.

Despite his silent cries, they did stop. Too afraid of what he might see if he looked up, he continued his current position. They were probably waiting for him to lower his guard so they could start again.

Warmth overcame him. It was startling, but not scary. It calmed him. It felt as the embrace of another being. He opened his eyes, and was faced with pink lips, and buck teeth.


	7. Chapter 7

Consciousness came upon him gently, unlike the normal startled awakening delivered by his nightmares. He was not upright in bed, breathing heavily, with his heart pounding in fear from a nightmare. He was instead awake, but barely. Eyes still closed, and body still relaxed in bed. This was new, but not uncomfortable. He could stay curled up here until he finally had the energy to go out and suffer through the other's chatter.

Something else felt different though. It wasn't bad, like new things normally were to him. It wasn't completely new, he had felt it before, but it felt like it had been such a long time. What was it..?

He felt…

Refreshed?

Like he had gotten a good night's sleep.

_What the hell is going on?_

There was no sopor slime here, there was no recoopercoon here. Nothing should have made it easier for him to sleep. It did feel a bit warmer in his bed but that couldn't have had such a strong effect.

Suddenly the troll felt a hot puff of air hit his face. His eyes flew open in surprise. Laying face to face with him, in 'his' bed, was John.

Why,

In,

The,

Fuck?

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" He screamed at the boy.

Karkat jumped out of bed as fast as he was able. He stood glaring at the intruder of his space.

The blue hooded boy slowly opened his eyes, and looked at the angry troll. He sat up in bed, stretched, and let out a long yawn.

"… What is it Karkat?" He said sleepily. His eyes scanned his surroundings, trying to figure out what exactly might be causing the problem. He scanned the doorway, the floor, and his eyes finally landed to his vacant bed across the room. They dropped to the sheets in his lap, and they widened as he realized he was in someone else's territory.

He blinked a few times, clearly trying to come up with a decent explanation.

"Uhh…Where's the bathroom?" seemed to be what he came up with.

"Follow me jackass…" Karkat muttered, and began out the door and down the hallway.

He didn't care to wait for John to follow him. He was pissed, and it didn't matter if the boy could keep up right after awakening to him. He just wanted a damn explanation.

_That idiot probably thinks i'm some sort of gog damn teddy bear. He needs to leave me the fuck alone._

There was a bathroom pretty close to Karkat's room, which was always a plus despite being so far from everyone else. Hell, being so far from everyone else was a plus to him.

They reached their destination, and John quickly made his way to the toilet. It was in its own separate room, so privacy was easy in here. Karkat stood in front of the sink. The mirror reflected that pale gray face. Thank gog, his eyes still hadn't started turning. Mirrors weren't his favorite things. He never felt attractive, not that that mattered to anyone in this place, but there was something about his reflection that made him uncomfortable. The mirror was normally avoided by him. He needed to start examining it now though, to keep a constant watch on his eyes.

He didn't look any less tired, even if he felt so, probably due to the years of bad sleeping patterns. He turned the hot water handle and waited for it to warm up. A flush came from the toilet room, and John came out.

"Oh my god there's a shower in here!" He said enthusiastically.

"Well yeah. We're not all smelly here are we? What were you expecting?"

"I guess not haha. There were ones on the ship we took to get here, but I never really thought about if they would have them here. Is it okay if I take one?"

"Yeah I don't see why not, go ahead." He muttered. "Drying implements are in that container." He gestured to a cabinet on the wall.

The water still wasn't hot. This damn deep space coldness.

John took off his hoodie, and went to turn the water on in the shower.

"It'll take forever to get hot you know, just a warning. Unless you wanted an ice shower of course." He spoke to the blue boy.

"Thanks." he said softly.

This was the most he had seen of a human. They had chests similar to trolls, but with these weird things on their lower pecks. They were like, tiny mounds of flesh, and were pinker than the rest of their bodies.

Their skin was a different color than the trolls, obviously, but it never really occurred to Karkat how different it really was. It was a color that would be hard to name. It wasn't quite a brown, or a yellow, or a pink, but it was somewhere in a mix of the three. Far from gray.

What really attracted his attention was the scar in the middle of his chest. It must have been from where Noir had shoved that sword into him on his quest bed.

John must have seen him looking.

"It's fine Karkat. Gotta remember I'm God Tier now so it was worth it, not to mention it's a pretty cool scar." He said with a half-smile.

The troll turned away. He didn't like others getting injured. He always felt it was his fault. He put his fingers under the stream of water, to make it look like that was his intention rather than seeming upset.

The water coming from the sink was finally hot, so Karkat lowered his face to the sink and began washing it.

"Uh Karkat.. I kinda want to shower… Can you leave?"

"I'm not looking, just go ahead and hop in."

He continued to wash his face, and he could hear the John's clothes being taken off, and thrown to the ground. The shower curtain slid open and closed again.

He let his face drip in the sink.

_Humans are similar but different in so many ways to us. John doesn't have pointy ears or teeth, and he has those things on his chest. I wonder what the rest of him looks like._

He then realized what a stupidly inappropriate thing that was to think, and rushed out of the bathroom.

He ran down the hallway, back to his sleeping quarters, and flopped face down on his bed.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: If you guys didn't get it the things on John's chest are nipples (`^`;) I just figured that trolls wouldn't have a use for them so they wouldn't be there. author's note**


	8. Chapter 8

Karkat sat on his bed, waiting for John to get out of the shower. When the boy finally came in, he was too embarrassed by his thoughts to look at him directly.

John, as oblivious as always of the troll's sour disposition, spoke as if nothing seemed off.

"Oh my God Karkat that was fantastic. I haven't had a shower like that in three years! Oh wow that makes me sound disgusting haha." He laughed as if he had told a fantastic joke.

"That's great John.." Karkat mumbled.

_I don't really want to talk. John's so just. He's so open. He seems to be the type to talk and talk until you do too. That's the last thing I want._

He tried to keep his eyes on his sheets as the boy changed. The human had profound muscles in his arms, probably from swinging his hammer at monsters. They weren't large, but it looked as if he could carry someone a fair distance.

"Uh.. Karkat?"

"What?"

"My clothes are kinda dirty from the journey… I was wondering if, I um. Could maybe borrow some of yours?"

_Gooog what is with this kid? I feel bad saying no but ugh._

"Yeah sure…" He gestured over to a small dresser in the corner of the room.

John walked over to it, and pulled out a shirt and some pants.

"Beneath outerwear garments are in the top drawer."

John opened it to reveal boxers. They were of different colors, and they all had spades on them. Who knows what that meant.

The blue boy glanced over to Karkat. He was face down on his bed, seemingly oblivious to the world. He figured it was safe to go ahead and chance in here, so he dropped his towel and began getting dressed.

The troll on the bed heard lots of shifting, so he looked up. It was the wrong moment to look up. He was given a full view of John from the back. His face flushed deeply, and he slammed his face back into his covers.

_Dear Gog oh Gog why did I look up what the fuck oh my Gog what the fuck._

He could feel his heart pulse in his chest, as he knew he wasn't supposed to see that.

Despite his embarrassment, he couldn't help but notice more similarities between the two of them. John's ribs were visible through his back. This place didn't have much food, so everyone had gotten much thinner. He never thought about it with any of the other trolls, but it seemed unhealthy for the human.

Oh well, seeing it was an accident, so he wouldn't think about it again and all would be well.

His thoughts drifted. The day had just started, what were they going to do? Wait… There was something they were supposed to do today right?

"THE MEETING!" He screamed.

He flew off of the bed. Kanaya was not one to go against. John's arm was grabbed, and they sprinted down the hallway.

After they stumbled through the doorway, Kanaya gave them a cold glare. Both of them sheepishly stood in the very back, to avoid as much attention as possible. The meeting had already started.

"As We Were Saying. The New Plan Is To Be Discussed. Rose, You Have The Floor."

Rose took a step forward and spoke. "As you all know from our most recent arrivals, our three year journey is almost up. Our destination will be reached very soon."

"Where exactly is our destination?" Terezi chimed in.

"About that," Rose said "I am not sure of its exact location. It is not a place I have seen before. I can tell you though, that I believe we will need to be prepared for combat. I suggest that we all begin training every morning. We will begin tomorrow morning."

Karkat grumbled. Not only did he have to get up early, but he had to work. It was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Meeting Dismissed." The vampire said.

Without saying a word to anyone in the room, Karkat began shuffling back down the hallway.

That had hardly been worth the time.

He reached his room, and flopped on his bed as he had before they left for the meeting. Shortly after, John walked through the door as well.

"Training tomorrow huh?" He said almost excitedly. "That should be exciting."

Karkat just groaned into his sheet.

A few seconds passed, and he heard john begin tapping his feet. This continued for several minutes, and ceased suddenly.

"Karkat…" He said softly.

What exactly were you doing yesterday before I came in?

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: Sorry it took so long heh… And I know this isn't much of an update. I haven't been Homestucking lately.<strong>

**Anyways Karkat has spades on his boxers. Because people have hearts sometimes, but he hates people. So spades. Yeah.**


	9. Chapter 9

"What exactly were you doing yesterday before I came in?"

John stared straight at the troll.

_Oh fucking everything he remembers that! Wait of course he remembers that why wouldn't he! It doesn't matter this is bad, this is so bad. What am I supposed to say! I could deny it right? That always works right?_

"What are you talking about moron?" He tried to say calmly, but his voice betrayed him for a moment. It shook, but only for a second. This momentary loss of his control was enough for John.

"Well…" John says softly. The look on his face also told that he wasn't sure what to say. "I came in yesterday and there was…" His eyes droped to the floor. "Blood…"

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck it's over now he's going to tell everyone. I am so screwed._

Denying it any longer was a foolish option. He could always act mad, which wasn't really acting, because he was indeed mad.

"That's none of your fucking business." Karkat said through clenched teeth. His voice might betray him again if he wasn't careful.

Emotions unknown to Karkat's species danced across John's face. "Did you do that to yourself?" His eyes met the troll's. He looked… Sad, hurt even.

_What kind of creature is he? He feels emotions for me? I am not of his species. I am pathetically low. How could anything feel for me? He must be faking. He wants this information to ruin me._

"That is NONE of your business! Why don't you leave me the fuck alone!" He raised his voice as much as he could. Fear of waking anyone kept him from screaming.

"Karkat…"

_What the fuck is up with this kid! He is great at this act. I almost believe him haha._

_But what if he isn't faking? What if I actually made him upset? Oh man what do I do?_

"You shouldn't be doing that kind of stuff to yourself. It's not okay."

"I keep telling you it's none of your business! Just leave me alone!"

The troll forcefully pressed his face into his hands, darkness enveloping his vision. He simply wanted to disappear. Tears built in his eyes.

_This is the most pathetic I have ever seemed. He knows about my failure as a member of a species, and my failure as a leader. I knew he would hate me I just fucking knew it. It's not fair. I kept this hidden from the others for so long. He finds out on the fucking first day. This just isn't fair._

John, still posed with a sad look on his face, lifted himself up and walked calmly over to the troll where he took a seat beside the unsettled boy.

_He knows about the blood. He could see it. He can smell it. He can feel it. I'm sure of it._

John pondered for a minute, as if he didn't know how to properly comfort the troll. The wind child thought back to the previous night. Comfort used naturally with humans has worked then, so why not now?

He looked to the troll who still had his face in his hands. One of his own was lifted, slid in between Karkat's and his face, pulled it away, and let them rest together in his lap.

This was the first time either of them had held hands with anyone else. Karkat could feel his heart begin beating faster. Why was he feeling this way?

_What is this? What the fuck is he doing? I can't look up or he'll see me crying. I can't do anything or he might see me looking extremely weak. I hate to say it but at this moment I don't even mind this much. I mean I do but, oh fuck it._

At that moment John revealed his real motive. His other hand slid to the hem of Karkat's sleeve, and gently pulled it up revealing his cool gray skin.

John was only able to see the scattered scars for a split second before Karkat pulled his arm away in disgust.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!"

At this point it didn't matter if anyone heard. John was sure to tell the others anyway.

The other boy just looked up at him sadly. "Karkat…" He spoke barely loud enough to be heard. The difference between his and the trolls voice was startling.

_He looks fucking upset what the fuck did I do I don't even know what I did. Why do I even care what I did, I shouldn't care what I did. This pathetic creature should mean nothing to me. I should just destroy him. This pathetic, emotional creature should mean nothing to me. But why then? Why does he?_

_I fucking hate this, but I do. He means something to me._

He pulled his gaze away from John and back to the bed sheet. His eyebrows furrowed, and he quickly closed his eyes at the memory of the previous night.

His heart still thumped quickly in his chest.

A rustling came from the sheets underneath them; John was moving.

Karkat didn't dare to open his eyes to see what the other boy was doing, but whatever it was he felt anxious. He could tell the distance between them was getting smaller.

Warm arms were wrapped around the troll.

_This is… A hug I think…_

His heart, which had not yet calmed down from the last physical encounter, began to speed up again. The human could surely feel it.

"Don't do that anymore... Please…" Karkat thought John's voice broke as he said these words.

The small troll had never felt such strong emotion directed towards him. Some felt a strong dislike towards him, but this seemed almost like… Compassion. It was something so rare in their culture and was often looked down upon, but something about this felt right.

His heart forced his blood through his veins at an alarming rate. His disgusting blood was rushing as his heartbeat picked up. John probably thought it was from his pointless outburst. Wasn't that what it was from though? It must have been, his touch couldn't have affected him that much.

The embrace was broken. John placed his hands on Karkat's shoulders and held him in place so he couldn't look away. He looked into his eyes with a serious expression on his face.

The wear of the past few years was visible on it. He had a new understanding of pain, of loss.

"Answer me Karkat." He said firmly.

This was a difficult promise for the troll. This was how he managed to remain sane, but something about the boy's look demanded an answer.

"Yeah okay…" He said without looking John in the face. "Go to bed fuckass."

He let go of the troll's shoulders and paced over to his own bed.

Karkat quickly got under his covers and closed his eyes. He listened to the sounds of John getting into bed and tried to ignore the warm feeling on his shoulders where the boy had been touching him.

He was looking forward to his dreams. Perhaps they would be less stressful than this.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: guys i'm so sorry this has taken so long to get up I can't even say sorry enough for this. It's been such a long time and i left off at such a horrid place. I got my mind off homestuck for a while and it has taken me a while to get back to it. Also sorry for this pitiful update ;A; but I tried<strong>


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